Seven years. It's incredible how fast time can go by. The pain gets easier to deal with, but I can still feel it some days. There are some days that I relive that morning...I can still remember every detail. It makes my heart ache. I miss my brother every day.
I'm friends with some of his friends on facebook...And it makes me happy. It makes me smile to see how their lives have turned out, and what wonderful people they have turned into. And to see the lives they've created for themselves. And sometimes it makes me sad. Because I wish my brother could have had that. I wish he could have had that future. And that happiness. And it makes me sad because I wonder if they think of him. Do they remember any good? Or is it only bad?
When I think of him, I remember so much good. He made me laugh so hard. All the time. So many times, I laughed so hard that I cried. I have to remind myself to constantly think of the good and the happy. Because every day, I struggle with the fact that I was angry with him when he died. The last conversation that I had with him was a fight. And I have lived with that every day for the past 7 years. I only hope that he knows that I remember the good times. I remember the laughs. And I hope others do too.
I remember coming home my first day of my sophomore year and crying...having such an awful day. And his only goal that afternoon was to make me laugh until I forgot about my bad day. I remember him singing Britney Spears LOUDLY and BADLY on a karaoke machine. I remember waking up one morning to my mom and I finding him sleeping in her bed because "there was too much candy on his bed." (There was nothing there.) I remember him laughing at me and teasing me because I put Dawn dish soap in the dishwasher, and we walked into a kitchen full of bubbles on the floor. I remember his hugs. They were firm and comforting.
I constantly try to think of the good, and the things that made me smile. His big goofy grin, and his gigantic bug eyes. His laugh. His sense of humor.
I would love to know what others remember of him as well. Good memories. If you have them, which I can only hope that you do, even if it's small, please share it here. I would love to read them, and remember more good :)
Love you Big Brother <3 Dec 28, 1983-Feb 16, 2008
