When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind
Some reason to be missed
And don't resent me
When you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
I quoted this song at my brother's funeral 8 years ago. I still love these words because I know that this is how Justin would want us to remember him. He wouldn't want us to remember bad things about him. He would want us to remember the good things about him--the good things that make us miss him every day.
I'm taking a page from my little brother's book today and celebrating my brother today instead of mourning him. He's missed terribly, yes. But he's missed because of all the happiness he left behind. Even through anger, hurt, and tears...there was still happiness with him. Because he exuded it. I feel the word "Jolly" describes Justin perfectly. He was goofy. And dorky. And he had these huge bug eyes that made him goofy looking. Haha! But his eyes were mostly full of laughter and smiles.
And dreams. Justin had so many dreams. He always had something that he had hopes of doing. I was just telling Jonathan yesterday what an awesome cook he was. And how at one point, he was interested in culinary school. I know that he could have achieved any of his dreams if there weren't other factors that took over his mindset.
He made me laugh like nobody else could. The type of laughter that brought tears to your eyes and made you nearly pee yourself. And he gave the most wonderful hugs. Big, strong, firm bear hugs. He was so tall and had the longest arms, that he could literally wrap you up in his arms and make you feel comforted. I miss those hugs.
I love remembering happy times and wonderful things about my brother. I love celebrating the person he was. The person that I knew...before the drugs...as a little kid growing up, as my brother, as my friend. I know that everyone has a good memory of him. You have to. At least one, no matter who you are. If you knew Justin, you have a good memory of him. It's been 8 years. Get rid of the negative. Put away the anger and the bad memories. Think of the good. Remember that there's a reason that you think of him. There's a reason you miss him. It's because you remember that there was good. And there was happy. Keep that in your memory. And leave out all the rest.
